We....dont....exist....
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Our misanthropic, persay illogical views shall deem us
October 29th, 2000
Microsoft SUCKS day!
Microsoft Must Die!
I Hate Microsoft.
Microsoft is the focus of evil in the modern world. [1]
Bill Gates is the Anti-Christ.
Top 10 Things People Think the 98/2000 in Windows 98/2000 Really Stands For1.The year it was DUE to ship
2.The number of MHz required for the operating system to run
3.The number of people who will actually PAY for the upgrade
4.The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run
5.The number of minutes to install
6.The percentage of existing programs that won't run in the new operating system
7.The number of pages in the "EASY INSTALL" version of the manual
8.The number of megabytes of hard-disc space required
9.The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware
10.The number of floppies it will ship on
An obviously clueless lady called in to a talk radio show and asked, "Do I need, um, a computer to use Windows 98 or 2000?"
The host's response was perfect: "You'll have less trouble with Windows 9X_without_ a computer than _with_ one."
After hearing that REM rejected the MS offer to buy a song for ad purposes,
it came to me that it might have been:
To the tune of Losing My Religion
Windoze is bigger
It's bigger than Earth
But not quite as big as
The things that I must do now
To upgrade all my stuff
Oh no I need more RAM
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me on the help line
Losing my connection
Trying to keep up with OS/2
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I need more RAM
I haven't bought enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you Ping!
I think I thought I saw a GPF
Every nightmare
Of velour vest wearing Borg, I'm
Purchasing new hardware
Trying to cool my CPU
Like a Pentium that became a 286
Oh no I need more RAM
Resistance is futile.
Consider this
The OS of the century
Consider this
The OS that brought me
To my knees failed
Now all these open apps have
Come crashing down
Now I need more RAM
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you Ping!
I think I thought I saw a GPF
But that was just a dream
I hope that was a dream...
You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting !
Built-in Networking
You can crash several PC's all at once.
No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.
Microsoft Network
Connect with other Windows users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized.
PnP
Plug and Pray (that it works)
Multimedia
Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing.
Compatible with existing software
It will also crash your existing software.
Increased Productivity
You will need to *increase* your budget to buy more *products* like RAM and HardDrives. Better yet, get a new computer ! That's product-ivity.
User-Friendly
Picture of clouds
State of the Art
Pay for Bill's next bid for a work of art.
MacIntosh-like
It took Microsoft eleven years and it's not even original.
Online Registration
Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your harddrive. This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft's files for the rest of your life.
MS Plus
More money for Bill's plus side.
Optimize
It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and cpu so much so that you'll end up upgrading your system. See "Increased Productivity".
Questions and Answer Jokes:
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."
Q: How many Microsoft tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be four or five things wrong ... have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don't actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.
Q: How many Microsoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can change the bulb in seven to ten working days. If you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don't forget to put your name in the upper right-hand corner of the light bulb box.
Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.
Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 57; one to write WinGetLightBulbHandle(), one to write WinQueryLightBulbStatus(), one to write.....
Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
Microsoft have announced that their latest Operating system - Windows 98 is to be renamed prior to its launch, to "Diana".
A spokesman from Microsoft said that it was in tribute to the late Princess of Wales and is a fitting name for a product that will look flash, be mostly superficial, consume vast amounts of resources and crash spectacularly.
This is regarding the $100 million cash infusion from Microsoft to Apple deal:
Q: What do you get when you combine Microsoft with Apple?
A: Microsoft
Three women are sitting in a bar talking about their love lives.
The first one says,
"My husband is an architect. When we make love it has power, it has form, it has function. It's incredible!"
The second one says,
"My husband is an artist. When we make love it has passion, it has emotion, it has vision. It's wonderful!"
The third woman sighs and sips her margarita, then says,
"My husband works for Microsoft. When we make love, he just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when it gets here."
If you know me, you know i must leave a poem for You:
Picture you at console in your computer lab,
you notice a hacker who logs in you would like to nab.
Your first move is to check logs and attempt to talk,
he replys with Your Security isn't my fault.
You come to find out gH is on your system
attempting to catch these hackers, but you can't get withem.
Calling the isp won't do the job so please don't pout
like most of us he'll be on a local hacked account.
Catching us will never happen nor will you come close
because most admins are 12year old man page reading kiddies at the most.
Our hacks and html skills are here for you to view for free
so if you attempt to catch us gH will hang your nuts on our Christmas Tree.
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These pages were last updated on Wednesday, October 29th, 2000